then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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