summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
