He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
