Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Tell her she's as useless as a condom.

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(941): View more from Florida

I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag

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(828): View more from North Carolina

my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?

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(802): View more from Vermont

Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.

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