I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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