i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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