he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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