worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
