those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
