Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
no you cant smoke seaweed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
