I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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