K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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