so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I love you. Go after that dick
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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