3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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