One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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