is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Randomize
