I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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