i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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