Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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