I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
