He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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