just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize