Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
