I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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