this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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