whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
