I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
