She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
