im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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