The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
