I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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