And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
