Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
