I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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