There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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