When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
