no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize