There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
