She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
