he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
