Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
