i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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