why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
