she woke up with a sticky ear
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
