I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
