Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
