I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
