So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
