I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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