Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
