We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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