I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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