yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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