Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dear god my vagina.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
