just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
