I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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