he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
