I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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