Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
