My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Two words: blizzard sex
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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