took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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