She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
so much tequila, so little girl.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
