Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.

(1-828): View more from North Carolina

Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.

Fav 8 910 3837
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(586): View more from Michigan

you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up

Fav 15 1166 4661
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(614): View more from Ohio

I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.

Fav 12 1720 4809
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(732): View more from New Jersey

wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.

Fav 10 3733 1183
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(626): View more from California

It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.

Fav 5 2256 969
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(216): View more from Ohio

Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.

Fav 6 1866 802
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.

Fav 1 451 581
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(716): View more from New York

I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.

Fav 0 14 15
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