Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You are a genius and a whore.
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