This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
