chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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