I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
