Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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