i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
