I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
