I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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