I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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