I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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